It all started with another one of my great ideas:
How to see New Zealand, the right way.
I remembered the last time I was here with my brother, traveling around in a van named the Bongo Brawny. I quickly learned that being crammed in a tiny van was NOT the way to go. Especially with another guy, stinking and snoring as it poured rain for days on end (no offense Ray, I'm sure I wasn't much better). Most people just rented a campervan and toured around in those. And, although they were quite nice, at $200 a day there was just no way to justify it. Times that by 60-90 days and you've practically made a down payment on it. Especially after finding out how much the locals despised these vans, and would have nothing to do with the people inside, I decided that this, too, was not the way. I would be traveling with my girlfriend Mariel this time, so it wasn't the same as the last time.
Then an idea hit me: Buy an old motorhome, travel around the country for a few months, and sell it in the end. Genius! Seems simple enough, right?? A kiwi friend told me about a website called "TradeMe" in which motorhomes were bought and sold all the time. After quite a bit of research, the price range seemed to be about 7-8 thousand, 5-6 thousand in USD, for a decent one. Divided by two and with at least half of that coming back to us, it seemed quite doable. Plus, we could sleep in it, cook in it, and of course drive it, sell it quickly in the end for a thousand or two less, and walk away laughing at all the money we saved.
It started off simple enough. We found a campervan we liked online, made a deal with the lady over the phone, and took a bus from Auckland to the po' dunk town in which she lived; Te Puke (the kiwi fruit capital of the world).
(Mount Manganui, pretty close by)
Upon arriving, we found the campervan to be very old, filled with cobwebs inside and out, and not well taken care of, whatsoever.
"You'd think they'd clean it up a little in order to show it," I remember Mariel saying. I couldn't agree more…
Plus, a test drive proved to leak oil which quickly made the engine smokey and ended in sore throats all around. On top of that, she didn't know how to work half the appliances, and I couldn't figure it out.
A mechanic said the engine could be fixed for a couple of hundred bucks, but a conversation about getting it fixed and making sure everything worked before we gave her any money, turned real sour, real fast. All of a sudden she was screaming at me on the phone!
She was yelling at me to stop messing around and just buy it already. I wanted to lose it on her, but, trying to be a little more mature and rise above it, I stayed calm and told her to do the same, but it was no use, she just got angrier. So, I finally told her to just forget it, that the deal was off. No worries though, there were tons of other ones online for sale. We could probably get an even better deal with a little effort.
(bug I photographed reminiscent of her)
She was yelling at me to stop messing around and just buy it already. I wanted to lose it on her, but, trying to be a little more mature and rise above it, I stayed calm and told her to do the same, but it was no use, she just got angrier. So, I finally told her to just forget it, that the deal was off. No worries though, there were tons of other ones online for sale. We could probably get an even better deal with a little effort.
The second one we found seemed perfect, and truth be told it was partially what made me call the deal off because it seemed to be in such terrific shape. It had an excellent engine, toilet, brand new fridge, and HOT WATER! I couldn't help but dream of the ones I would take after the long, cold surfs I was sure to have. We settled on a price, and packed our bags, sleeping confidently with our new choice, and excited to leave early the next day.
(only photo I could find about dreaming, just go with it!)
However, about an hour later I got a phone call.
"Just thought I should tell ya, she's sold", the man said.
"What?!" I asked quite sleepily and in disbelief, "but I told you we wanted it, and we made a deal," I said.
He simply replied, "Yep, sorry 'bout that. Bye".
And that was that…
The third one we looked at was in a town called Hastings. Before I continue, don't ever go to Hastings. Its dirty, inland, small, no character, and has little teenage, maori (native New Zealander) gangs that run around causing ruckus and hassling everyone. And there are NO cops about to stop them. Anyhow, this new van was said to be in good condition, it was quite a bit cheaper, and it looked like it had a lot of character. Well, in this storybook boys and girls, this character was in real, real bad shape. Picture Herbie going on steroids for 30 years, quitting after a heart attack, and then picking up a small crack habit. It practically had one foot in the grave. The only thing I did like about it was the 88 year old owner who thought she was a beauty, and who wanted to drive as much as possible before the government took his license away! Which, apparently, is mandatory at age 90. Anyhow, I wanted it looked at by a mechanic before making an offer, and he wouldn't go to anyone besides his personal mechanic, which couldn't even see him for another week, much less fix anything. Another week in Hastings sounded absolutely horrible, and with a smokey engine and a choking tranny, it was a stretch anyway. So, we decided to move on… again.
By the time we found this campervan, the very one I'm sitting in right now, we had spent a good 2 weeks traveling around the country from town to town, checking out vans and getting disappointed. It got to the point where we just needed to pick one and start the trip already.
That's when I found "Joyous", as it was aptly written across the front of the van.
(photo by Mariel)
I talked to the nice owner on the phone who assured me she was in excellent condition, and that she was quite certain we would be more than happy with it. I met the owner halfway between where we were and they were in a town called Hamilton, and had the mentality that if this car was anything close to a good deal, I would take it. After all, how bad could it be if it just came all the way from up north? It started easy enough, changed gears well, had clean oil and transmission fluid, and to be honest, that was about the extent of my mechanical "skills", which I usually half faked when buying any car. The inside needed work but that would be easy enough, and something I had done more than a few times. It was leaking a little from the nasty rainstorms we were having, and it needed registration, so I asked for a few hundred off the asking price, and it was a deal.
We spent about 2 weeks fixing it up in a Holiday Park in Lake Taupo, called the Windsor Lodge. A holiday park is kind of like a trailer park, but its for temporary visitors and a little nicer. It was right on the lake and would get the most gorgeous sunsets each day. Plus, you could see the volcano during clear, sunny days. They also had natural hot springs and some beautiful hikes and waterfalls in the area. All in all, it was a great place to hunker down for awhile and fix up a van!
We became quite good friends with the owners, Rich and Sandy, and it was nice getting to become friends with them and get help and tools to fix things up. They'd help us find things and we'd have evening chats and inspections about the progress. I even ended up trading some photographs in lieu of money for our stay there, which was a great deal for both of us! Joyous was looking quite well, I might add, as the campervan was almost unrecognizable, especially on the inside. New drapes, new carpet, new paint, new seat covers (well, sheets), and Mariel did a bit of decorating on top of it all, that really warmed it all up.
(photo by Mariel)
Things were going so well, we decided to take a few days to hike the Tongariro Circuit, which is supposedly one of the most spectacular hikes in the world as it circumvents a volcano in rapidly changing terrain. Its actually where a lot of the "Lord of the Rings" was shot. In fact, the Mount Tongariro is actually "Mount Doom",
and a large part of the hike afterwards goes through "Mordor". Basically, you stay in these very simple huts that are dotted along the way that provide basic shelter, gas for cooking, and a mattress. All you really need! From turquoise lakes, to moonscape ledges, to deep forest, it was quite the adventure.
On the last day, a huge storm came in and we had to take a short cut to a road where we could meet our ride back to Taupo. I was able to borrow a cell-phone from some nice, old kiwi ladies who were the self-proclaimed the "River Queens". On a hilltop in the wind and rain I got one bar of signal, and was able to make the call and save us a very nasty day of hiking. Only, we got to the meeting point an hour early and it was raining and gusting so hard that we had to just huddle together to try and stay warm. We started singing songs that we knew by heart to keep our spirits up and our minds off the cold. It feels silly at first, but I have to say, it works wonders. Anyway, cold and battered, we made it back home.
That's when things started becoming not so, well, "joyous". We broke down about 3 times the week after that, needed a tow for one of them and barely limped into a mechanics for another. After that it was just like dominoes… The oil started leaking like a siv, which was very disconcerting, but after seeing a mechanic about it, he told us we really didn't wanna go there.
"Put some more oil in it, and get on your way!" said the partially annoyed mechanic.
And thennnnn……… the table disintegrated. the water pump failed, the refrigerator broke, the battery died, the camper battery was half dead, the roof started leaking again, and even the dashboard fell off! I mean you KNOW you've bought yourself a piece of shit if the god damn DASHBOARD FALLS OFF!
Needless to say, our nerves were tested. We got in arguments, kicked dents in doors, and Mariel was even reduced to tears for a good day and a half. But we made it through. We saw most of the mechanics in town, and screwed and glued everything back together. We got the water pump working, and the refrigerator back on track, and even the dashboard back up! Plus, the previous owners felt bad and offered us a 1,000 bucks to help pay for everything, every dollar of which was used and then some. Finally, it seemed, we were on our way…
The one thing we left with was that oil problem with which no mechanic would touch. Apparently it was an expensive, timely, and difficult job, and most of the time it didn't work. Most mechanics didn't even like to look at Bedfords. In fact, one said,
"They weren't that good of an engine even when they were new. They shot most of these back in the day, but I guess this is the one that got away!"
We were told more than once to put some more oil in it and be on our way. So we did… I had to put oil in it pretty much all the time, which is expensive not to mention messy (and frustrating to be always covered in oil). But, I think we were just glad to be doing it; traveling and experiencing on nothing but a whim. We could stay wherever, for as long as we cared. Like Kevin Garnett after the championship, Anything was possible!
(photo by Mariel)
Eager to get to the South Island, we drove straight to Wellington one day, which is actually a pretty cool city. Its got tons of character, friendly people, and unbelievable coffee! We just walked around cracked out all day, looking for excuses to go into the next cafe and get some more! We even ended up getting a little culture in, and saw a play of "The Picture of Dorian Gray".
With parties in the streets all around us it was a long night's sleep, but we woke up early, bought a ticket, and hopped on a ferry to the south island, car and all. It was a 4 hour trip, but a beautiful one. Plus, I love being on a boat, going somewhere new and exciting and full of possibility. Its always filled me with some sort of eager anticipation.
The salt air, the rolling waves, and the permanence you feel about being in the present. The past is done, behind you and miles away. The future is ahead of you, full of possibility, but you have to wait. There's just this large chunk of time with no option but to just be in the present tense. Content with the past, excited about the future, happy with the present. We landed in Picton, the harbor town, and went to a cafe to get a tea and a coffee. We rolled out the map and spoke eagerly of our plans to come, fingers tracing coastline roads and mountainous terrains. East Coast? West Coast? Today? Tomorrow? It didn't really matter! Woohoo!
The salt air, the rolling waves, and the permanence you feel about being in the present. The past is done, behind you and miles away. The future is ahead of you, full of possibility, but you have to wait. There's just this large chunk of time with no option but to just be in the present tense. Content with the past, excited about the future, happy with the present. We landed in Picton, the harbor town, and went to a cafe to get a tea and a coffee. We rolled out the map and spoke eagerly of our plans to come, fingers tracing coastline roads and mountainous terrains. East Coast? West Coast? Today? Tomorrow? It didn't really matter! Woohoo!
We decided on Kaikoura, on the East Coast. Its supposedly one of the few places in the world where such a high altitude mountain range so closely borders the sea. It took us a couple of days to get there, stopping on remote beaches for the night. It was nice though, to get our feet wet and "try out" the camper. There was never any surfing, but always a pleasant surprise or two, like the morning we woke up to a shark beached on a piece of seaweed (obviously not that pleasant, but pleasantly interesting).
But alas! we arrived. It truly was beautiful. An unbelievably blue sea filled to the brim with life. At any given time you could see seals playing, fish jumping, dolphins and even whales, although we never spotted any whales as they were too far offshore. We found a great little place to camp right on the beach, next to a few very good surf spots.
I was so eager to get in the water. I hadn't surfed in about a month and it was driving me absolutely crazy. Unfortunately, it was flat. Flat as a pancake. Not anywhere near rideable. But, the weather was beautiful, our campsite perfect (and free), we made fires and walked the beach. I told myself to be patient, that more was to come very soon. Plus, things were good. Over the week or so we stayed there I was able to surf one evening for about an hour. It was very average but good to finally surf.
We went into town one day to watch the Super Bowl as Mariel's a big Steelers fan, and I wanted to watch it too. They lost. We came back out and turned the ignition… nothing. A couple of clicks and a squeal later, and I began to curse her. I then realized I had left the lights on. What an idiot… I could have hit myself for being so stupid, but minor problems have a way of seeming friendly after a lot of big ones. I'll spare you the details, but lets just say the next few hours were filled with a lot of walking, and more walking, and at the end of the day, we ended up borrowing the battery of the gas station manager, Tony. After much insistence, we took the battery out of his car, walked it all the way back to ours, drover back to his, and then did a "central american swap" as I like to call it (at least, that's where I learned it), where you swap batteries while its still running. It might be the only thing I know how to do mechanically that adds up to anything. Anyway, we did a few laps around town to charge it up, and when we came back, Tony invited us to stay at his for as long as we needed. It didn't work out that first night, but over the next few days we showered, did laundry, charged up all the appliances, and Tony even helped us tune the engine a little. We did a few hours of yard work in his rotten apple covered and weed invested garden to show our appreciation, and it seemed it truly was appreciated. One day, we even got to go out on Tony's little fishing boat in order to check his lobster traps. Most were empty, but one of the traps had caught three, one of which was big enough to keep.
(photo by Mariel)
Before coming in we went to one of the seal colonies and got up close enough to touch as one of the seals ripped open a big fish. Thrashing it from side to side, other seals tried to take a bite, but the seal would just launch the fish away and swim after it, only to do it again! A very, very cool thing to witness… Tony said they were the "dogs of the sea", and the more we watched them, the more I had to agree; just like a pack of dogs, they were. We got back to Tony's later that day, and Tony said he was tired of eating lobster, and that he wanted no part of it, so he gave it to us for lunch! Unbelievably delicious…
A few days later, and it seemed it was time to move on to something else. Deciding to keep heading down the East Coast, our next stop was the Banks Penninsula, aka, Akaroa. It's the place where two very old, very dormant volcanoes rise up before the sea, creating high mountain tops that curved down and around into tiny, beautiful bays and inlets. As we approached the bay we were looking for, I noticed that the oil light was on, and that it was leaking oil much worse than it normally did. It was spaying all over the place. I gave her a rest, and then started again. We came upon a very, very steep hill, so before heading down, I gave her a few quarts of oil and figured we'd at least be good until the bottom of the hill.
Down we winded through the ridiculously curvy and steep road. I didn't wanna put it in Low because I was scared the engine hadn't picked up the new oil yet, so I pushed hard on the brakes. It was so incredibly steep though, they just weren't enough. They were manual brakes, and I was practically standing on them as I used the steering wheel to pull myself ever harder into the floor. Suddenly it hit me, I was going an okay speed, but I didn't think I could stop! I put the emergency brake on halfway which helped, but you could smell the brake pads burning. I have to admit, at this point I was a little scared. Not of dying or anything, but if the brakes gave out, we were going to crash, and it would be the end of Joyous the campervan. With my hand very ready to throw the transmission into Low, or even Park if need be, we eeked our way down the mountain. Towards the bottom the oil light was still on, but seeming as how I had just dumped some in, I decided to give it a minute. As we approached the end, where the road meets the bay, the engine stalled... I tried the ignition, but nothing. Again and again… but nothing. It just wouldn't start. God damn it Joyous, not again…
Down we winded through the ridiculously curvy and steep road. I didn't wanna put it in Low because I was scared the engine hadn't picked up the new oil yet, so I pushed hard on the brakes. It was so incredibly steep though, they just weren't enough. They were manual brakes, and I was practically standing on them as I used the steering wheel to pull myself ever harder into the floor. Suddenly it hit me, I was going an okay speed, but I didn't think I could stop! I put the emergency brake on halfway which helped, but you could smell the brake pads burning. I have to admit, at this point I was a little scared. Not of dying or anything, but if the brakes gave out, we were going to crash, and it would be the end of Joyous the campervan. With my hand very ready to throw the transmission into Low, or even Park if need be, we eeked our way down the mountain. Towards the bottom the oil light was still on, but seeming as how I had just dumped some in, I decided to give it a minute. As we approached the end, where the road meets the bay, the engine stalled... I tried the ignition, but nothing. Again and again… but nothing. It just wouldn't start. God damn it Joyous, not again…
It was raining a little, and crazy windy, to the point where I could barely open my door. I dumped the rest of the oil I had in the van into the engine to see if that would help, but it just wouldn't start. Eventually some neighbors came out and helped us push it into a grassy area near the beach for the night, and then invited us in for wine and tea. We ended up having a nice chat and thanked them for everything before heading off to bed. The next morning, which was this morning, I tried her once again, but she just wouldn't budge. With no cell reception, I walked to a phone booth and dialed the 800 number of New Zealand's automobile club which was on the back of one of our maps, joined for $195, and then asked for a mechanic during the same call. When he arrived, he tried to start it a few times, but at last he looked at me with a grave face and said,
"yep, she's nipped".
Not knowing exactly what that meant, I nodded my head and waited for an explanation. It came,
"She's seized, she's done", he said.
"So that's it?", I asked.
"Yep", he said, "I'm sorry but she's dead".
Fuck. (excuse my language but if not now then when?!)
After discussing my options for a minute, and finding out they were grim, I stood sort of blank faced and waited for it. For what, is hard to describe. I guess its that wave of anger and depression you get when something really bad happens; when you receive real bad news, and you're just waiting for it to sink in… but it never came. I mean, it did, a little, and maybe some part of me was just in denial or something, but really all I felt was a sense of relief. Not relief that the engine was dead, or at my current situation, but relief that it was over. It was done. All of the worrying and the anger and the fights with mariel and the ridiculous amounts of oil I was pouring in and all over the place. Now, something would have to change. It might sound like it wasn't so bad as you read this, and it retrospect it wasn't, i mean, nothing permanently bad ever happened. But, believe me when I say, we were never far from Joyous throwing a big ol' wrench in our plans, and that was getting real old. Now, I wouldn't have to feel the everyday stress that this campervan inevitably brought.
Whether good or bad, expensive or really expensive, better or worse, I was getting a new deal; a new set of cards to play with. Whether we somehow got the van running, we rented a cheapie and used a tent, or we took a different route I haven't thought of yet, this was a chance to make things better, finally. I had had such a nice day chatting with and getting help from the concerned neighbors, and laughing with Mariel in the fresh day's sun, that I just wasn't in the mood to be all pissed off. There would be plenty of time for that later.
I walked straight back to the phone booth, dialed the automobile club, and asked for a tow truck to Christchurch. They started telling me that they couldn't tow me because my vehicle was too big, and too far away, and so on and so forth, but I calmly (over the next hour) explained that a tow truck was promised, so they should either send one or refund my money. And, (again, over the course of an hour), they agreed and sent one out.
I walked straight back to the phone booth, dialed the automobile club, and asked for a tow truck to Christchurch. They started telling me that they couldn't tow me because my vehicle was too big, and too far away, and so on and so forth, but I calmly (over the next hour) explained that a tow truck was promised, so they should either send one or refund my money. And, (again, over the course of an hour), they agreed and sent one out.
So that leaves me here… sitting in "Joyous" the broken campervan, just another one of my great ideas, typing my first blog. Part of me still wants to rise up, get insanely angry and maybe even bash the van a little… but I just don't have it in me. I think that this van has just taken it all out of me, slow but sure. I went with one more walk with Mariel around the beautiful bay, admiring the blueness of the waters and the old, wooden dock protruding towards her center. I thought about our trip thus far, and if there was anything to be learned from all this. I'm not the kind of person that thinks "everything happens for a reason". But, saying that, I believe that no struggle is worthless, even if seemingly so. Apart from having a mechanic check out EVERY car before I buy it, and checking for leaky oil WHILE ITS RUNNING, I think if anything, it has taught me, even if just temporarily, to always rise above the petty, short term. Its easy to get caught up in the moment, its hard to rise above and see things for what they truly are. The Taoists believe that it takes a simple mind to make things more complicated, but that it takes true wisdom to makes things simple. Life is about the long run. Plus, shitty cars always make for good stories, like this one hopefully is to you all.
Like one of the neighbors down in Akaroa said, "No one was hurt, so things aren't so bad". Well put Jeff.
Perspective… Thats all we have in this life. In fact, its the only thing we have, or at least, have control over. Despite everything, we have had some good times here in New Zealand, and as my good Uruguayan friend always says, "Quien no me quites?" or, "who can take that away from me?" No one…
Here comes the tow truck now
